Lame
by Cavilier210
Summary: just stupidity coming from the top of my head. plz review, its my 1st fic (i love flames and burns)
1. Lame

disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN Final Fantasy 9 or any of its characters and other things to do with it.(no matter how mush i with i did) __________________________________  
  
We join our heros on top of a mountain near Kuja's Palace. Kuja has captured them and tied them to poles.  
  
Kuja: .........  
  
(Dagger and Eiko wake up)  
  
Kuja: grrrrrr.......  
  
Dagger: WTF is goin on Kuja!!!!!! (while starin into space)  
  
Kuja: ....... (put on purple lipstick and eyeshadow)  
  
Eiko: (looks at Dagger) Why's he puuting on make-up?  
  
Dagger: (smiles evily at Eiko) Cause he likes you.  
  
Eiko: (jumps and fights against the bonds) AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Freya and Vivi wake up)  
  
Freya: (looks around and squeaks) squeak squeak........... SQUEAK!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone awake: ............  
  
Dagger: Why are we traveling with a giant rat?  
  
Kuja: (looks at Freya) squeak squeak squeak?  
  
Freya: SQUEAK!!!!!!!  
  
Kuja: I see............ (unties Freya and releases her into the wild)  
  
( Freya runs away laughing)  
  
Dagger: Why'd u let her go?  
  
Kuja: I stole her soul, so i don't need her anymore (laughs evily)  
  
Dagger, Eiko, and Vivi: ............. lame  
  
Kuja: Is not........  
  
Dagger, Eiko, and Vivi: ............. lame  
  
Kuja: IS NOT........  
  
Dagger, Eiko, and Vivi: ............. lame  
  
Kuja: IS NOT!!!!!!!  
  
Dagger, Eiko, and Vivi: ............. w/e  
  
(steiner and Quina wake up)  
  
Quina:.........  
  
everyone: (looks at quina) uh oh......  
  
(Quina takes a deep breath)  
  
(everyone struggles against the ropes and covers thier ears)  
  
Kuja: Whats it doing?  
  
(Quina holds its breath for suspense and eyes Kuja)  
  
Kuja: Why is it looking at me that way? (scared look on his face)  
  
Quina:........  
  
Quina:.......  
  
(everyone stares at Quina)  
  
Quina:................. YUMMY YUMMIES!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(everyone screams as Quina pulls out the pole and runs after Freya trying to eat her)  
  
Freya: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (she runs like death is chasing her)  
  
Kuja: HEY, she said she was an evil rat, not a talking one!!!!!!!  
  
(everyone gives Kuja a weird look)  
  
everyone:......... dumbass  
  
(Zidane and Amarant wake up)  
  
Kuja: Good, your finally awake  
  
Zidane and Amarant: Who?  
  
Kuja: You  
  
Zidane and Amarant together: Me?  
  
Kuja: Yes, you  
  
together: which one?  
  
Kuja: You.  
  
everyone else:...........  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::AN HOUR LATER::::::::::::::::  
  
Zidane: Me?  
  
Kuja: yes  
  
Amarant: Me too?  
  
Kuja: YES!!!!!!!!  
  
everyone else: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!  
  
(Kuja, Zidane and Amarant glare at everyone else)  
  
Kuja: Anyway...... as I was gonna tell you all, this (walks to a big gun looking thingy) is yours and your planets doom (pulls away sheet covering the big gun looking thingy)  
  
everyone:.............  
  
Zidane: Whats that big gun looking thingy do?  
  
Kuja: WHO TOLD YOU ITS NAME?????!!!!!!!!  
  
(everyone gives Kuja a wierd look)  
  
Kuja: WAS IT THE AUTHOR???!!!!!!!! (he looks to the sky)  
  
Cav (a.k.a. the author): (in a booming voice) And what if it was?!!!  
  
Kuja: If it was you, I'd shoot you with my (holds up hand pointing to the sky) BIG GUN LOOKING THINGY!!!!!  
  
Cav: O, YA?!!  
  
(big hand comes out of sky and points the Big Gun Looking Thingy at Kuja)  
  
________________________  
  
What will happen next? Will I fry Kuja? Make Dagger a frog? Or make the characters go on in a stupid way? Tune in next time to find out!!!!!!  
  
plz reveiw (1st fic) 


	2. something new from Vivi

haven't updated for awhile. i hope u guys like this one as much as u liked the other one. now on with the fic.  
  
Again, Cav no own Final Fantasy or related thingys  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ ______  
  
Cav: (watching Kuja quiver in fear)....... I won't destroy you......... yet (a big head appears and smiles evily at Kuja) You have to do things for me first.  
  
Kuja: (twitching) L-l-l-like wha-wha-what?  
  
Cav: The first thing is..... put on mens cloths, that that thong thing is nasty.  
  
Kuja: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Cav taps on the big gun looking thingy)  
  
Kuja: You can't make me!!!!!  
  
(everyone looks at Kuja like he's nuts)  
  
Dagger: You do know he's the auther, right?  
  
Kuja: So?  
  
Zidane: That means he can make you do anything.  
  
Kuja: LIER!!!!!  
  
Cav: I'll show you hehehehehehe (mens cloths replace Kuja's thong thingy) HAHAHAHAHA  
  
Kuja: (kuja runs behind a rock) NO FAIR, I WASN'T READY  
  
(Cav disappears)  
  
Amarant: lame  
  
Kuja: AM NOT  
  
Amarant: are too  
  
Kuja: AM NOT  
  
Amarant: are too  
  
Kuja: UR LAME  
  
Amarant: yes  
  
(everyone points and laughs at Amarant as he figures out what happened)  
  
Amarant: ...........damn............I'm to cool for this  
  
Zidane: Your just mad he called you lame.  
  
Amarant: whatever (he bursts into flames)  
  
(Quina eats the ropes binding everyone. everyone smiles at Kuja)  
  
Kuja:eep (runs away and hides behind another rock)  
  
Zidane: Lets vote. WHO WANTS TO KICK KUJA'S ASS!!!!!??? Raise your hand!!!!!  
  
(everyone but Vivi, who suddenly isn't there, does)  
  
Steiner: Where's Master Vivi?  
  
EIko: He was just here a second ago. That baby must of ran away.  
  
-------------------------meanwhile----------------------  
  
(Vivi creeps over to the rock Kuja's behind)  
  
Kuja: they can't see me, they can't see me...... (rocking back and forth)  
  
Vivi:........ (jumps in front of Kuja) PEEKA-BOO  
  
(Kuja screams bloody murder)  
  
Vivi: wow..... i didn't think that was possible.....  
  
(Kuja starts twitching nervously)  
  
Vivi: Now...... for .......... REVENGE HAHAHAHAHA (he holds out his hand and makes a small fireball) I'm gonna get you. hehehehehehehe  
  
_____________________________________________________  
  
Yes, its short and O so sweeet lol. Review and I'll update, cause if u don't (shakes fist at u) jk. wonder whats next on the menu? thx for the reviews for the last chapter, keep em comin 


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